...No blogs for months because I was a POW during the writer's strike...

...and this is my first post from inside a Hollywood prison where every other inmate is either a guy dressed like a girl, a girl dressed like a guy, or a homeless person with nicer hair than me. Anyway, prison has embittered me even more, so the following is a list of people/things that would do best to avoid me if they see me coming their way with a baseball bat. 1. Fair-weather dog walkers -It's Sunday morning and the sun is shining and the birds are chirping and everyone is outside "water skiing" behind their dogs. I'm sure your dog enjoys its freedom after enduring an entire winter of captivity, but frankly you insult me. Purchase some long underwear and some boots and man-up. 2. HDTV's and their owners. -Mostly because I don't yet have one, but honestly it's like comparing cars, they're just meant to get you from A to B and the TV isn't showing you anything new, you're still watching reruns of Home Improvement for crying out loud. 3. Looser standards for stand-up comedians. -Thanks to a farm system more vigorous than baseball's it used to be if I'd heard of you, you must be funny. Now thanks to Last Comic Standing, the internet, and the Bob and Tom Show every comedian from Terra Haute to Poughkeepsie thinks he is the next Ray Romano or Drew Carey. 4. Sequels filmed more than five years after their predecessors. -If there is a Ghostbusters 3 I will burn all of Southern California to the ground.